"We stopped looking for the monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside us"

4am. Tick. Tick. Tick. It's not a clock. It's the sound of your mind churning. Where do you go when you want to escape from yourself? Too many monsters.
I'm suffocating inside the circle of the monsters. The circle within myself.
My mind is foggy, but I can see you clearly. I'm scared, and I'm running. Running, Sprinting. I'm right where I began. A conveyor belt moving in the wrong direction. Turn it off. I'm Tired. I'm drunk.
Too many monsters. I can't escape.

Rules

Too many rules. Our lives are governed by the rules that have been set for us, by us, by society, by morals, by you.

Would we be happier in a world void of rules? Or would it just become chaos?

We as girls are unable to act in the ways of the opposite sex for fear of rejection, judgement and ridicule. But strip us of our outsides and what is left? We are all the same deep down.

Deeper, and deeper until we are empty. We are nothing but what everyone else is. But some things hurt me harder. Some things pain me deeper. How? 

There are no exits left, we crash landed into the deep. So just sit and wait for the water to consume you. Eventually we will hit the bottom, no matter how far down it may seem. The pressure is too high down here. My ears are bursting with the whispers that hide in the watery shadows.

How could you just leave me here? Lure me into the plane, with your helpful hand and hypnotizing smile. Then let me sink to the bottom as you glide to safety, floating freely because you left all the weights of the past strapped to my ankles. 

I can't move on. Cemented to the ground. My body sways and floats but my feet are stuck. I'm drowning.

Don't break the rules, even if it will save your life.

Welcome to the University of Surrey

I'm here and getting settled finally. I know I haven't updated you all for a while but things have just been so busy and hectic! It's freshers week and I'm all moved in, pictures are up on the wall and shelves are full of things. Surrey is awesome! The town here is so cute and the campus is beautiful. Its massive though so I'm still trying to figure out my way around! 

Next week we start actual classes, both exciting and intimidating! In the mean time here are some pictures of the goings on over the past week! :D

Boxes and Bags, Goodbyes and Thank Yous

THREE DAYS. I am leaving in three days. It's starting to become more and more real with every passing day, and I am finding it slightly difficult to contain my imminent freak out.
My room is empty, although somehow manages to still be messy... I've had to say goodbye to everyone these past few days, all my work friends and people I've gotten to know over this year, all my old friends who have headed to uni. Had to say goodbye to this cutie, who's made me realize two things. Little Kids are adorable, but I will not be having my own for at least another 10 years! They are a lot of work. But still adorable :P

                     

So many things to worry about, but I'll take it one step at a time. Then hopefully living on my own wont be a total disaster...

Packing Adventures

Trying to pack. Life is looming over me. If only this was easier...

How can one possibly fit their whole lives into a suitcase? I'm barely packed and I still know as a certainty that once I get to England, that one thing I forgot to bring, will be the only thing I need. One week never seemed so short!

From last night, was bored and saw I hadn't posted in a while. So just some random questions to inform you all about myself :D

Do you have any pets? Nope, But in my life time we have had a few, Budgie, fish, turtles a cat. None now though but hopefully my family will get a dog soon!

Name three things that are physically close to you: My Laptop, a Suitcase and a University Checklist. Eeek! 

What's the weather like right now? It's night, cold, around 16°C. I don't think it's raining but ill find out soon enough as I head off to work :/

Do you drive? If so, have you crashed? Nope, sadly not (about the driving not the crashing). I've just had no need for it here in Switzerland because public transport is so good! I'll hopefully get it soon though.

What time did you wake up this morning? I woke up at 11 I think, didn't go into work until 2pm so no need to wake up early.

When was the last time you showered? This morning, at around 12?

What was the last movie that you saw? Kick-Ass 2. Was enjoyable although somewhat gory. 

What does you last text message say? "haha thanks love! I hope your work thing goes well! I'll be missing you:)"

What is your ringtone ? Uhh, the usual iPhone ringtone? Nothing exciting.

Have you ever been to a different country? Oh where do I start? Been all over the place, All over Europe: Spain, France, Germany, Croatia, England etc etc, Asia: Thailand, Bangladesh, Singapore, Malaysia, Nepal, India, Africa: Morocco, Egypt, America: East and West Coast, New Zealand, Australia. Probably a lot of others I can't remember now... My family LOVES to travel!   

Do you like sushi? HATE sushi. Can't do seafood.

Where do you buy your groceries? My family buys them in Germany because its cheaper there than here is Switzerland! But if I ever buy things I go to the coop.

Have you ever taken any medication to help you fall asleep faster? Nope, although after long flights to NZ sometimes I wish I had them!

How many siblings do you have? Two sisters, Sonya and Nell.

Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? Just the Laptop.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday? I'll be 20!

Do you wear contacts or glasses? Nope!

Do you colour your hair? No, no. It's naturally this red. Who said you can't detect sarcasm over the internet?

Tell me something you are planing to do today: The day is over, I slept and went to work (looking after a two year old) then came home, got ready for work again and now am almost off for my lovey 8 hour shift in town. Oh the Joy.

When was the last time you cried? When my UK visa was refused the first time and I started freaking out about my future...

What is your perfect pizza topping? Hawaiian all the way!

Which do you prefer, hamburger or cheeseburger ? Don't really like mince patties or hamburgers/cheeseburgers in the first place but if I had to choose it would definitely be a cheeseburger!

Have you ever had an all-nighter? Yes, many! some for good, enjoyable reasons, others not so much.

What is your eye colour? They're blue!

Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? Uh, no. We did an experiment in school. Everyone thought they did, no one actually did. I prefer non fizzy drinks anyway so don't really try out the 'difference' often.

Life Rolls On...

The last week or so has been very busy, with friends leaving to uni, family coming to stay and life preparations being done. Everything is falling into place finally because did I mention, I GOT MY VISA! So it will be goodbye Basel, Hello Surrey soon enough! No more stressing about whether or not I will actually be going to uni, only stressing about the reality of what is now definitely going to happen...

Other than that, Annika came back from Florida and how else do we celebrate her return, other than an incredible girls night out at Singerhaus? We spent the night sitting at hagestadt, taking bathroom mirror photos with roses, playing fussball, and of course dancing the night away!