It is very backwards and forwards in this job. Some days I am very happy with how things seem to be progressing and other days I get very upset and frustrated with the way I am treated. Recently I have been finding it very difficult as the changes in the company structure have begun to take effect and I have still been told absolutely nothing. Many people in my area and department have begun training for new roles. The documentation team, which I am a part of and work with two times a week, are merging with the customer support department (or at least that is what I have heard from the gossip around the office). I have not been involved in any meetings or given any kind of information about where I stand. I now sit upstairs, alone most of the time, as the rest of my department has moved downstairs and I have still been told nothing at all, or given any reassurance, guidance or support. This is incredibly frustrating as I feel so overlooked and completely neglected. It just confirms my fears of not being important within the company and being “the intern”. I am so eager to make the most out of this placement, but I feel like I am not being given the opportunity because no one looks at me as a valid member of staff, or at least my supervisor doesn’t. Small comments, like in our meeting with my tutor - where she said I am not expected to make decisions - push me to my limit, as I do make decisions every day. No one told me what structure I should follow, I decided that. No one tells me exactly what to do on a day to day basis, I have to make decisions. Every time I send out documentation, or ticket flights, or analyse direct mailers or check invoices, I am making decisions. But still I have been marked as “limited attempts” at decision making. I feel like I was mis-sold this job and my role, as they made me believe I would be treated as a full time employee, given the same responsibilities and trust – which would include making decisions. But I have definitely not been given this.
The feedback I received after my meeting from my supervisor also has been a point of serious annoyance and confusion. I feel like my supervisor doesn’t have any idea of how I am actually doing because I feel like she pays no attention to me whatsoever and so it annoys me that she thinks it’s okay to only give me “good” in almost all categories when I have been trying as hard as I can with the resources and training I have been given. I understand that I cannot expect to achieve excellence in all categories right off the bat, like knowledge or self-reliance, and am happy to work towards improving these in the coming months but some criteria I really couldn’t understand. Criteria like appearance - which is not something I can really improve over time, and I have simply been following the dress code I was given when I started, but still only given a ‘very good’ mark - just show me that she just simply wouldn’t given me excellent because she doesn’t want to. And the attendance and punctuality where Ana and I come to work at exactly the same time every single day and yet Ana gets excellent from her supervisor but I only get good. It makes no sense to me and due to my competitive nature and need to succeed, I hate that I seem to be getting downgraded for no apparent reason.
They knew, when hiring me, I was coming in as a student and the contact between us meant that my supervisor had an obligation to actually supervise me and give me more guidance and support than an average employee. I wouldn’t mind not having this if I actually felt like I belonged and I feel like I was fully involved like everyone else. But I am not, and I am doing the best I can with the resources I’ve been given but I don’t feel like this is in any way helping me to develop my knowledge and skills.
On a more positive note, Ana and I attended the World Travel Market last week and it was quite the experience. At first everything was very unorganized as has been the trend for us since starting our placements. We arrived and had no one to meet/follow so wandered a little lost and helpless around all the stalls. It was really cool to see the effort all these businesses put into their stalls, and I was shocked at how much it looked like they would have had to spend to be part of the exhibits. But it was great to see, with lots of people dressed in traditional clothes, freebies along the way, small performances and key note type speeches scattered around ExCel London. We wandered around and explored all the “countries” until finally we got a message from one of the assistant product managers who met up with us. She was shocked at how little organisation had gone into our visit from the businesses side and said she was so sorry that she didn’t know, because she would have been more than happy to have us shadow her for the day. But was still a great experience - from about 13:00pm until 17:00pm we attended meetings with her, talking to suppliers and learning about the importance of this event – which I think really benefited me in terms of my knowledge of the industry and business. I liked seeing the exchange between us and the business we work with, and made me eager to grow and develop myself to a point where I could get more involved.
Its just hard for me because I know that these kinds of opportunities only become available to us when we properly chase our superiors for them. But we shouldn't have to constantly be asking and almost begging for them to pay attention to us, support us, supervise us and involve us in things they should already be involving us in as their placement students. I desperately want to do well here, but if I am never given the opportunity to do this, I don't know how I will be able to find the positives in this placement.
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